Luck never on side of Saints

Published 11:51 am Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Well, just color me dumbfounded.

Truth was, I didn’t expect to learn anything new when, perhaps out of morbid curiosity, I instinctively tuned into the Saints-Lions game Monday night.

I mean, it was on TV, wasn’t it?

So sure, why not?

We already knew the Saints were bad, and they surely didn’t do anything to change our minds.

Falling behind, at home, 28-3, to the equally bad (on paper) Lions was perhaps more of a reminder than anybody needed.

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Many suspected all along that there was more wrong with this historically bad defense than just Rob Ryan and, at some point, somebody is going to have to own up to putting that collection together with the idea it might stop anybody.

We knew the offensive line couldn’t protect Drew Brees from a stiff breeze, and now he’s awaiting word on an MRI to his ankle.

No big revelation there, either.

But never underestimate the NFL.

The league will always surprise you.

You never know when you might learn something.

That’s why it’s always dicey to take a pit stop during live action.

This latest revelation happened, of course, during the Saints’ own madcap antics at the very end of the first half. That was when they turned first-and-goal from the 1 into a long, fruitless trot to the halftime dressing room still trailing 21-3 instead of cutting it to relatively manageable 21-10.

It might have summed up their frustrating season, but that’s not important now. Besides, there are many other candidates sprinkled through this season.

Before the Saints exited, stage left and empty handed, the universal signal for touchdown went up three times, none of which got any points on the board.

The first false alarm was an obvious tease — the Saints’ Brandin Cooks didn’t come close to crossing the goal, and it didn’t pass muster with further review (the key witness, evidently, being the innovative “pylon cam” that has added so much to the game).

The second waved-off TD, well, it was called back for illegal formation by Senio Kelemete, who I’ll bet you didn’t even know was a Saint.

But apparently his presense gave the Saints too many vowels on the line of scrimmage and … no, that wasn’t it —he was actually accused of not reporting as an eligible receiver with an interior lineman’s number.

Kelemete later said he did, said he rubbed his hand right between the 6 and the 5 on his jersey in plain view, but I doubt the refs made it up.

That last touchdown came back because the Saints had the right number of men and vowels on the line of scrimmage, but one of them ventured a half-yard or so too far (illegally) downfield for a pass play.

Jahri Evans didn’t appear to be bothering anybody down there and certainly had no effect on the touchdown play.

But the NFL has those rules and, by golly, every one of them is in there for a very good reason and they intend to enforce them all, not to mention explain most of them on national TV.

But never mind.

Those weren’t the eye openers.

Yet in the midst of all this mischief, the Lions at one point called time out just as the Saints were snapping and play was briefly stopped.

One problem.

The Lions had already used all of their time outs and didn’t have one to spare.

They didn’t get the full 30 seconds, not even enough pause for a TV commercial.

But they basically got what they wanted, which was a stoppage in play to regroup. Can’t imagine much in the Saints’ formation worried them, but something made them call time out.

Who knew? Who’d have guessed you need not actually have a time out to call a time out.

But doesn’t that sort of defeat the purpose of limiting teams to three per half?

See, the officials basically chuckled it off, said no harm done and wrote it off to an “inadvertent whistle.”

Huh? There was nothing inadvertent about it.

The Lions called time out and the ref blew his whistle. It wasn’t like he accidentally coughed into it.

So there has to be some recrimination for that, right?

No?

Well, that’s nice to know.

Nothing the slightest bit untoward goes unpunished in the flag-happy NFL, where the white hats get more TV air time than Anthony Bourdain.

If there was a penalty for calling a time out you don’t have, surely the Saints would have been flagged for it by now — this year they’ve dang well discovered every other nook and cranny of the league’s over-officious rule book.

In basketball, dialing up a time out you don’t actually possess, well, that’s a technical foul. Just ask Chris Webber, who learned that valuable lesson in the very same Superdome with Michigan’s national championship hopes on the line.

In the NFL, it’s more like “Sorry for the inconvenience but carry on.”

Realizing that the NFL rule book is already the size of the U.S. tax code, I hesitate to bring this up.

But how did the rules committee miss this?

At least, you could stash it away under unsportsmanlike conduct.

Or if 15 yards seems to harsh, fine, delay of game would seem to fit the bill perfectly.

And you’ll know when it gets enacted. The Saints will surely be the first to be flagged for it.