Augusta: Masters of ceremony

Published 1:33 pm Wednesday, April 13, 2016

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Well, dumb me.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">All this these years I held firm in the belief that the only bad thing about The Masters golf tournament was the postgame of it, the official presentation of the hallowed green jacket.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">You know, the whole, stuffy Butler Cabin thing, with the soft music playing.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">It has always seemed a bit contrived.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">You’re generally treated to the worst sports interview of the year when the reigning chairman of Augusta National, who for some odd reason turns journalist for a day, lobs a few softballs at the new champion.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Said champion sits there respectfully, says “Yes, sir” and “Thank you,” and all the while you can tell that what he’d really like to do is bolt the place and go join his old college buddies who are already knocking down beers in his honor, and probably on his tab.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Check that. It’s not quite the worst sports interview of the year.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Golf gets those, too, but the worst comes every week on the PGA Tour’s run-of-the-mill tournaments toward the end when the TV host is forced at gunpoint to interview the CEO of the event’s title sponsor.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">There we learn that the trillion-dollar conglomerate he presides over is really just a philanthropic organization, dedicated to world peace, a greener planet or some other pressing flavor of the month, and even those two tornadoes Friday couldn’t dull the enthusiasm of these great fans (or patrons).</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Augusta will never host The General Dollar Store Masters presented by Barbasol, so at least we’re spared that.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Still, the Butler Cabin would rank right up there with sports silliest exercises.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Always seemed kind of contrived, a total waste of time.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">For years, I’ve thought, please spare us this parting torture to what has usually been a great golf tournament.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Then Jordan Spieth happened.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Whoever came up with the idea eons ago of letting the previous year’s champion respectfully slip the Green Jacket</span> <span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">over the new winner’s shoulders, never figured on this year.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Sure, it seemed like a great idea at the time.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">This year, of course, the guy helping Danny Willett get properly dressed was the same Spieth who’d not only just blown a five-shot lead on the back nine, he’d gone down in a flaming blaze of glory, with a common duffer’s quad-bogey on one stinking hole.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">The golf steam had quit trickling out from his ears by the time he got to Butler Cabin, but Spieth looked like he’d just as soon have crawled under the leather cushions of one of the manly couches strategically placed therein.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">But, by golly, The Masters’ ever-jovial chairman, Billy Payne played along perfectly, ignoring the 500-pound gorilla in the cabin to get on with the ceremony (he’s never been allergic to TV time).</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">He chuckled heartily and said something like, Jord</span><span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">an ol’ buddy, now if you’ll just help with the jacket for our new champion …</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Spieth, it appeared, even once managed a smile above his stiff upper lip.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">For the record, I thought Spieth absolutely handled it as well as anybody could possibly expect.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">I don’t recall him bear-hugging Willett, but at least he didn’t hide under a hoodie.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">And that’s when it hit me.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">This is great. This is riveting. Mostly, this is must-see TV.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">The Masters didn’t have this postgame ceremony thing wrong all these years.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">They flat-out nailed it. By accident, perhaps. Still stuffy, yes. And definitely awkward. But it was a slam dunk. It just needed this seminal moment to bring out the subtle genius of the ceremony.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">It’s the rest of the sports world that has been wrong all along.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">What if Cam Newton had to present the Super Bowl trophy to Peyton Manning?</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">That’s pay-per-view quality there.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">It’s not like other sports do anything remotely entertaining in crowning their champions.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Were they paying attention?</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Technically, of course, it wouldn’t have happened under The Masters’ strict rules. Augusta kind of just stumbled onto it with a perfect alignment/collision of the golf moons.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">America loves a winner, but while basking in the Thrill of Victory, it’s always fun rubber-necking to glimpse the Agony of Defeat as well.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">So forget the defending champion requirement. Doesn’t happen often.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">From now on, loser pays. In our biggest events, every sport, the loser — be it coach, player, Jerry Jones, whatever, the face of the franchise — has to do the honors.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Can you imagine Bill Belichick presenting the Lombardi Trophy immediately after the next time the Patriots lose a Super Bowl?</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">I’d pay to watch that, and you would too.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Meaningless college bowls?</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Not anymore. Let them get creative with the payoff.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">Make one of the silly bets like the governors of the two states involved usually come up with.</span>

<span class="R~sep~ACopyBody">But by all means televise it afterward.</span>

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<p class="p1">Follow Scooter Hobbs on Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/ScooterAmPress">twitter.com/ScooterAmPress</a>

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