NCAA into sharing inane rules, not $

Published 7:25 am Sunday, June 5, 2016

BATON ROUGE — As riveting as it can be to spend hours upon hours staring out as Mother Nature, in blissful tune with the college baseball universe, keeps up her relentless pitter-patter of droplets falling on the glistening sheen of a gray tarp over the infield, sometimes your mind inevitably wanders.

What to do with 8, 9, 10 maybe a dozen hours of waiting, waiting … and waiting?

They keep sending the teams back to their hotels, so at least we’re spared the high entertainment of players turning the tarp into an industrial-size slip and slide with their aquatic skits.

I have become fascinated by the fact that, for the most part, it is amazing how the skies are the same forboding light-gray color as the tarp upon which they deposit their excess. Gives it a certain symmetry.

And when the skies get darker than that tarp, that is generally when it’s time to seek more shelter than an umbrella.

But how to pass the time?

Me, I did a little light reading.

The NCAA baseball regional “Host Operations Guide” runs a full 38 pages — two for the table of contents alone — which doesn’t include Appendices A, B, C, D, E and F, which I shall perhaps get to on a rainy … no, sorry.

Otherwise, I read the whole thing.

It is fascinating stuff, at least if you’re into that sort of thing.

A few of my findings:

l “Event1 is the official merchandise and apparel vendor of all 90 NCAA championships and will provide merchandise and apparel to be sold at all regional and super regional sites. NCAA policy prohibits host institutions from selling any of their own merchandise or apparel.”

What? So LSU can’t sell LSU caps or, worse, Rally ’Possum T-shirts? Only that cheap, generic NCAA stuff? I could have sworn I saw actual stuffed Rally ’Possums on sale down there.

Oh, but there’s more to that.

l “… Unless the institution agrees to guarantee a sell-out of Event1’s NCAA products.”

So, in order to sell anything that anybody wants, LSU had to agree to also take the hit for boxes and boxes of silly NCAA-sanctioned stuff that may end up Haiti.

l “The host institution must establish a designated parking area at the venue … for the NCAA site representatives, umpires, team administrators and any NCAA staff in attendance.”

Which explains why the media, unlike during the regular season, is now allowed to park in Haiti.

l “The primary goal is to play games according to the published schedule [two games on Friday, two games on Saturday, two games on Sunday and one game on Monday (if necessary)].”

Yeah, well, what if it IS RAINING CATS, DOGS AND ’POSSUMS?

l “The host shall appoint a qualified person responsible for monitoring the local weather at all times.”

I’m just a weather monitor. I just tell when you it’s storming. I don’t do anything about it.

l “Additionally, host institutions are encouraged to have a local meteorologist either on-site or on-call to help provide a professional evaluation of future weather forecasts and potential severe weather issues.”

Or just stick a finger in the air. Like anybody ever trusted the local weatherman. Grandma’s rheumatism usually works better.

There are, in fact, 14 distinct weather-related postponement scenarios spelled out in the manual and handy tips about how to reschedule around them.

After much study, this regional may double the size of that appendix.

l “The NCAA and IMG College Publishing have the exclusive right to distribute (programs) at the competition venue during the championship. No competing publications, whether sold or free of charge, are permitted.”

A company paid good money for exclusive rights to pawn off a flimsy thin product for $8 that most big-time baseball schools would be embarrassed to give away during the regular season.

l “Encourages the host institution/venue to distribute supplemental handouts (i.e., updated statistics and notes), provided any such materials … are only distributed with the purchase of a program. Do not include information available in the program. Do not include advertisements.”

It’s OK to do the heavy lifting but don’t dare make any money for it.

l “Scoreboards with message capabilities are not to be used to encourage or attempt to intimidate any of the teams participating in the championship competition.”

What, the little darlings are going to melt?

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“The host institution must provide all necessary equipment to conduct the competition. No permanent equipment may be purchased for the regionals or super regionals and charged as a game expense item.”

So, what’s up? Were schools trying to get away with buying a fancy new batting cage and letting the NCAA pick up the tab?

l “If an institutional fight song is played prior to the start of a tournament game, it must occur during that institution’s infield practice or during the time allotted for pregame preparation of the field.”

Define fight song. Pretty sure LSU was playing “Calling Baton Rouge” at regular intervals Friday night. Utah Valley didn’t seem to identify with it.

l “Make tentative housing arrangements for each visiting team. All team hotels should be of equal quality, and in close proximity to the baseball stadium. It is ideal and recommended to have all teams housed in separate properties. A minimum of 25 rooms.”

Fine for Baton Rouge. But how does Starkville get around this? Equal trailer parks?

l “The host institution should be responsible for the umpires’ lodging costs (room and tax only).”

No Cinemax.

l “Institutions that participate in, but do not advance from regional or super regional competition will be presented with a participant medallion as a commemorative keepsake.”

Yes, America, even at this level … everybody is a winner.

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Scooter Hobbs covers LSU

athletics. Email him at

shobbs@americanpress.com

Follow Scooter Hobbs on Twitter at twitter.com/ScooterAmPress