World Cup itch letdown, no USA
Published 5:18 pm Sunday, June 24, 2018
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<p class="p1">Patience. That’s the key. The plan was to hold off on scratching that World Cup soccer itch and not comment publicly on it until after watching the good ol’ USA play.
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<p class="p1">You know, tie the whole thing into an essay on the remarkable strides that planet earth’s most popular sport is making in the world’s most powerful nation.
<p class="p1">The plan was to force-watch at least one match (or chucker or scrum or whatever they call those things) before attempting social commentary on what it all means, if anything.
<p class="p1">And …
<p class="p1">It turns out that was a problem.
<p class="p1">Or else something’s wrong with the TV.
<p class="p1">Been waiting a little over a week now. Patiently. Checked the local listings, all the usual suspects.
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<p class="p1">Dang. Nothing to get patriotic about. Nada.
<p class="p1">The thing is being played out over in Red Russia somewheres — a perfect opportunity to re-ignite the Cold War — and it’s all over the TV, mostly clogging up those morning highlight shows and whatnot.
<p class="p1">Just no red, white and blue, not any in our flavors anyway.
<p class="p1">Didn’t make much sense.
<p class="p1">All I kept hearing about was Iceland, which seemed pretty cool. But, come on, it’s Iceland.
<p class="p1">So what did I miss?
<p class="p1">Had to check this out. Had to get the scoop, as they say in our business.
<p class="p1">Well …
<p class="p1">It turns out that the United States of America is not, in the technical sense, actually what they would call “playing” in the World Cup, which as I (don’t) understand it, is the biggest sporting event on the face of this good earth.
<p class="p1">Iceland, among others, is playing. Or was. Lots of other plucky ne’er do wells, too.
<p class="p1">Well, good for them. But how can this earth have anything this important and us not be involved?
<p class="p1">Given the time we live in, I suspected a boycott.
<p class="p1">But no.
<p class="p1">Nothing of the sort.
<p class="p1">The United States did not, again in the technical sense, “qualify” for this Big Dance.
<p class="p1">So how does this happen?
<p class="p1">It’s worse than you thought.
<p class="p1">Apparently the USA lost to Trinidad and Tobago, which is all the more confusing because, despite the “and” right in the middle of the name(s), Trinidad <em>and</em> Tobago is only one (1) sovereign country. It would be much simpler if it went the hyphen route — Trinidad-Tobago — but to each (or both; I’m hopelessly confused) his own.
<p class="p1">So it’s complicated, but I don’t think American soccer can blame it on Caribbean punctuation.
<p class="p1">A little research determined that Trinidad and Tobago is a country (or something similar; close enough anyway) of roughly 42 human residents, 37 of whom apparently play soccer — and play it better than all the Americans you can round up from sea to shining sea and most of the fruited plain.
<p class="p1">The good news for American soccer is that it was considered a major upset — shocking (embarrassing). Hey, stuff happens.
<p class="p1">So there’s that.
<p class="p1">But … come on. Trinidad and/or Tobago?
<p class="p1">So the world (something called “FIFA”) has its big soccer shindig with a full 32 national teams involved and the USA is on the outside looking in?
<p class="p1">An eclectic mixture of economic world powers and plucky, third-world zealots will battle it out and presumably settle the thing, hopefully with a minimal body count.
<p class="p1">Is it the end of the world for the USA?
<p class="p1">No less a soccer authority than TIME magazine chirped in with this conclusion:
<p class="p1">“The U.S.’s failure to qualify for the World Cup also marks a setback in the country’s efforts to elevate the most-watched sport in the world in America.”
<p class="p1">Oh, darn. I hate when that happens.
<p class="p1">OK, I was trying to be objective. But my thoughts about actual soccer haven’t really changed.
<p class="p1">Mainly: If our great country is really, really going to stink at something, sorry, but I’d just as soon it be soccer rather than something important like nuclear subs or beer pong.
<p class="p1">Perhaps this nation is at a crossroads, soccer-wise.
<p class="p1">We gave it the good fight, going on — what? — 30 or 40 years now. We tried to act like we were interested.
<p class="p1">Some are. I have it good authority that among your millennials, particularly the hipster sub-species, it’s go-to entertainment, worthy of bickering over at the tattoo parlor.
<p class="p1">It was simpler when those of us of a certain (riper) age were coming along. Mostly, our parents didn’t force us to play soccer. And probably wouldn’t have even if they’d known what it was.
<p class="p1">The dangerous side effect is that we may be raising a generation of young Americans with no clue how to pick up third-and-13 or turn two, let alone play quarterback for LSU.
<p class="p1">Yet one of the studies on the current soccer failure that I read speculated that “inaccessibility to soccer on the youth level” may be the culprit.
<p class="p1">What? Who? How?
<p class="p1">Soccer may not be very popular, but it’s everywhere. It may not be any good, but not for lack of trying.
<p class="p1">It may be inherently boring, but that doesn’t stop them.
<p class="p1">If lack of accessibility is at the root of this failing, then explain curling (a real sport).
<p class="p1">I’d love to find a curling rink somewhere, along with some curlers, but have come up empty.
<p class="p1">And, in case you forgot, the United States is the reigning Olympic gold medalists.
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<p class="p3"><strong>Scooter Hobbs</strong> covers LSU athletics. Email him at shobbs@americanpress.com
