You can banish Nick Saban to retirement all you want, perhaps, but you can’t put the GOAT out to pasture.

What? You thought the greatest coach of all time was going to sit on the back porch, watch the Weather Channel and, for excitement, play pinochle for the rest of his life?

Fat chance.

Halfway through SEC Media Days, the Southeastern Conference has paraded eight of its coaches and 24 players out for public view.

But the game is over. They can call off the final two days of blah-blah-blah, spare us more yada-yada-yada.

Ding-ding-ding — we have a winner. Saban, from his perch in the back of the grand ball room of the Dallas Omni, is the unquestioned rock star of this latest preseason media days.

And he’s been a breath of fresh air for a week desperately seeking entertainment.

Saban is part of — if Saban can be just part of anything — the SEC Network’s coverage. It’s a tune-up for his gig this fall on ESPN’s popular Game Day show before each week’s college games.

“I’m still a coach at heart,” he kept saying. “I’ve enjoyed it so far.”

Yes, he’s a bona fide,  credentialed media member, joining that dispenser of “rat poison” that he so often railed against as Alabama’s head coach.

He needs a little work on the “credentialed” angle.

SEC commissioner Greg Sankey related that Saban was at first denied entry into the festivities.

He had to return to his hotel room to fetch the credential tag he’d left behind.

“I’ve never worn a credential in my life and was always for 17 years able to get into SEC media day without a credential,” Saban later explained on air. “I had to go back to the room today and get my credential to get in.”

It was the only rookie mistake he made. Us commoners in the media can relate. Those security guards at big events take their jobs seriously, wait all year for a moment like that.

Otherwise, on the first day of his full-time media gig, Saban was already the best thing to happen to sports television since Charles Barkley.

He already had the best line of the week, unsolicited, about the dominant story line of the week.

“What tickles me,” Saban said, “is all these questions about how Texas always ran the (Big 12) conference they were in. They’re not going to run the SEC. There’s a whole lot of arrogant people all over the SEC.

“You can forget about that. They will be a good team and are a great program and (Texas head coach and former Saban assistant Steve Sarkisian) will do a great job, but it isn’t going to be a problem.”

It was good to get that cleared up. Pay attention. The man knows what he’s talking about.

He pronounced his previous school, LSU, as one of his “sleeper” teams to win the SEC, in part because he’s high on quarterback Garrett Nussmeier’s talent (and patience) in replacing Heisman winner Jayden Daniels.

He’s on board with Brian Kelly’s process-oriented  style, a philosophy he seemingly invented.

“I’m still a coach at heart,” Saban said.

But none of it was coaching blather.

You thought maybe Saban was looking for a cushy job to tide him over and keep him out of Miss Terry’s hair during “retirement?”

Ross Dellenger of Google Sports shadowed Saban around the joint Monday and related that the ex-coach spent the last month talking to all 16 current SEC coaches. Also —and this qualifies as self-imposed cruel and unusual punishment  — he watched tape of all 16 spring games.

“I was looking for new things,” Saban said Tuesday.

He just doesn’t do anything halfway.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that he’s good — seemingly a natural — at his new job. As a head coach, Saban could coach-speak with the best of them if the subject was Bama’s upcoming game that week.

But get him on a topic of importance to the overall scheme of college football and you got an E.F. Hutton moment with all heads turned and all ears open.

If he’s not the smartest guy in the room, he plays the part well.

The perfect job — to match the genius with the pressing need — would be as the commissioner-czar-whatever of college football.

Until then, you can look forward to College Game Day this fall.

It figures to be must-see TV.

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Scooter Hobbs covers LSU athletics. Email him at scooter.hobbs@americanpress.com