ULL’s best good enough for one dance with LSU

Published 6:02 pm Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Come on, people, it’s the NIT — the National Invitational Tournament. It’s not like it’s something important.

It ought to at least be fun.

For whatever reason, LSU and UL-Lafayette don’t seem to like each other much.

Presumably some basketball will be played between the two tonight in Baton Rouge, but it’s always deliciously entertaining when the two fan bases get together for much of anything.

Anyway, let’s drop in on the conversation.

LSU: Hey, Cajun, what’s shaking?

ULL: Getting ready for the game.

LSU: What game?

ULL: You know darn well what game. You and us, brother. Get ready.

LSU: Do tell?

ULL: Get ready for more hot sauce than you can handle.

LSU: Whatever. So how’s things at Louisiana-Lafayette?

ULL: We prefer to be addressed as the University of Louisiana.

LSU: Still trying to be something you’re not, huh?

ULL: We are what we say we are.

LSU: UL’ll always be USL to us.

ULL: We already won that battle.

LSU: Or SLI … wait. Won what battle?

ULL: You people never gave us a passing thought until we starting dangling the UL thing out there. Hardly knew we existed, just 55 miles away. Nowadays, getting under your skin is half the fun.

LSU: That’s a bunch of …

ULL: See, it’s working.

LSU: You can call us Flagship if you like.

ULL: Who’s big-timing who now?

LSU: Coming to the Assembly Center, are you?

ULL: Dang shame couldn’t get you in our place. Then you’d see a real whipping.

LSU: The Cajun Dome?

ULL: Yeah, Coach Bob Marlin, he say we even got a better arena — we got 13,500 you got a measly 13,215 in that PMAC.

LSU: It’s only basketball.

ULL: Coach Bob, he say y’all don’t want to play us at all, anywhere, no time. Said he called your young whippersnapper, Will Wade, when you hired him. By the way, is that young fellow even drinking age yet? Anyway, Marlin asked about maybe a scheduling a game. Wasn’t interested.

LSU: Bigger fish on our plate.

ULL: Like Samford?

LSU: Ought to be happy he returned the call.

ULL: But Coach Bob, he can’t figure how LSU got to be the No. 3 seed in this NIT, and we No. 6, so you get the home game.

LSU: Maybe we’re just better.

ULL: Coach Bob say look at the RPI — you know that Ratings Percentage Index that’s supposed to be the gold standard for seeding and things.

LSU: Anybody can play with numbers and make them dance any kind of two-step you want.

ULL: But Coach Bob, he says it’s bunch of “old-school guys” on that NIT committee, didn’t think it through, just figured LSU had to be the bigger name and didn’t look at the “fine print.”

LSU: I’ll show you some fine print.

ULL: Huh?

LSU: I don’t know how they figure out that RPI …

ULL: Then maybe you should take a UL computer science class …

LSU: … but it doesn’t add up.

ULL: It says we’re No. 63 and you’re No. 94. What’s wrong wid dat? You got to admit that’s a big spread, no?

LSU: Some funny math is what it is. How many teams in the RPI’s top 100 did you beat?

ULL: Not sure. I’d have to look it up.

LSU: Don’t bother. I got it right here. None. Nada. A big, fat zero. We beat seven of them suckers.

ULL: Well, RPI isn’t everything.

LSU: Then how about the Big Dance? You know how many teams that got in the big tournament that you played?

ULL: Not sure.

LSU: I’ll tell you. Two. Exactly two — and you went 0-2 against them. And it wasn’t exactly the Dukes of the world. Georgia State and Clemson, yet you lost by a combined 43 points.

ULL: Bad nights.

LSU: We had some, too. But the Tigers were 7-7 against NCAA Tournament teams.

ULL: Hey, at least we won our conference, the Sun Belt. Coach Bob, he say you tied for ninth in the SEC.

LSU: Well, it’s a real conference.

ULL: But ninth?

LSU: Let me get this straight: You won your regular season, did you? Then shouldn’t you be in the Big Dance and not trifling with the NIT.

ULL: Well, uh, yeah. That’s the way it ought to be. But they say to get a guaranteed bid, it doesn’t matter. You have to win the conference tournament. Only way in.

LSU: Oh, one of those one-bid conferences. That’s pretty cute. Won it, did you?

ULL: But look at the records. Cajuns at 27-6, you guys are what … 17-14?

LSU: Your most wins in school history. Congrats.

ULL: Thanks.

LSU: And you’re in the NIT.

ULL: So are you.

LSU: Then let’s both make the best of it.

ULL: Doesn’t work that way.

LSU: See you tonight.

<strong>Scooter Hobbs</strong> covers LSU athletics. Email him at <strong>shobbs@americanpress.com</strong>