Saban says it with a straight face

Published 6:00 pm Thursday, July 13, 2017

HOOVER, Ala. — So you thought Alabama’s Nick Saban didn’t have a sense of humor.

Wrong.

Scratch beneath The Process. Look beyond that steely stare. It’s all relative to something or another. 

But, for one day at least, there was a full-blooded comedian lurking down there.

Saban -— lovable ol’ wise-cracking Nick — almost brought down the house during the adulation festival that is his annual SEC Media Days appearance at the Hyatt Regency.

The hysterical reaction appeared to kind of catch even him off guard.

Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be funny. But the really good ones don’t force humor. It’s not scripted. It just kind of flows naturally, with perfect timing, at the most unexpected of moments.

Like Wednesday. Like when Saban was asked, basically, if his and Bama’s dominance of the proud Southeastern Conference was ruining it for everybody else.

Drum roll …

Hushed crowd …

Cue up E.F. Hutton …

“I think there’s a lot of parity in our league,” Saint Nick said.

He doesn’t laugh at his own jokes, but he did almost smile.

Almost.

But the assembled media mass was rolling in the aisles.

There’s a lot of what?

C’mon, Nick, you’re killing us.

The Tide has won 17 consecutive conference games.

Oh, but he was just getting warmed up.

“I don’t see us being any different than anybody else.”

Stop it, Nick. Just stop it.

The 17 wins were by an average of over 20 points per. Whatever parity there is in this league begins at No. 2.

But no, he couldn’t control himself.

“I have a tremendous amount of respect for a lot of teams in our league.”

Sides were splitting, aching. Couldn’t take it anymore.

Hey, Nick, the Tide have won four of the last five SEC championships and when it doesn’t win it — Auburn, Kick Six, 2013 — ESPN does a “30 for 30” on the wonder of it all.

More? No. You’re treading dangerously close to milking this silly gag too far.

“I am trying to think of somebody in our league that I don’t have a tremendous amount of respect for.”

Oh, gosh. Paramedics were on standby. Several media members needed smelling salts.

Nick — yo, Nick! — you beat Tennessee (the famed Champions of Life) 49-10, Mississippi State 51-3 — the SEC championship game was 54-16 over Florida.

Somebody put a stop to this.

Please. You’re killing us.

“There are a lot of very good coaches in this league.”

Tears were flowing. The fourth estate was reduced to a bunch of blithering, laughing hyenas.

It wasn’t that long ago that this affair would have included the likes of Steve Spurrier, Urban Meyer, Les Miles, Mark Richt.

To varying degrees they’ve all been banished from Hoover by Saban and the bulldozer that is The Process.

But, OK, what have you got left?

“I mean, LSU is very, very good.”

Heaux, heaux and heaux. And the Tigers haven’t beaten Saban since really ticking him off — apparently forever — in the 2011 Game of the Century.

Nice try, though. And thanks for playing.

But tell us again that whopper about parity in the SEC. Never fails to get a belly laugh.

The media was running out of material to throw back at Saban.

The dominant story line running through this affair has been what these much-respected coaches have to do to narrow the gap between their own programs and the relentless, No. 1-recruiting juggernaut.

They better pack a lunch.

It does not appear the bar is going to be lowered.

Nobody even bothered to ask the 65-year-old when he might start thinking about throttling back his famed focus and head for the lake.

The rest of the SEC wouldn’t have liked the answer anyway.

He’s not going anywhere.

It was a bit odd to see the Saban show without warnings about getting complacent following another national championship.

The Tide lost 35-31 (on the last play of the game) to Clemson for that honor.

Down in the famous gawkers lobby of the Hyatt Regency, it did appear the Bama fan herd had been thinned out a bit from recent years, when it was a crimson mosh pit begging for a glimpse.

Upstairs Saban was talking about how they used the runner-up finish to analyze and reevaluate things; they did the same thing after the national championships.

You can imagine how much more intense it is after coming up just short.

“I don’t want to waste a failure,” Saban said, which may have been a preview for this year’s battle cry.

He also said this would be his “youngest team since 2012,” which didn’t even raise an eyebrow.

Spoiler alert: that Bama team may have been carded at the door, but it won the national championship.

Nothing funny about that to the rest of the SEC.

Scooter Hobbs covers LSU

athletics. Email him at

shobbs@americanpress.com