It was toward the end of SEC Media Days two weeks ago in Hoover, Ala., during a lull in the festivities, and I guess I was lost in thought, staring blindly at the side door from whence the coaches make their grand entrance to the podium.

Anyway, a colleague happened by and evidently mistook my blank stare for some kind of look of resigned melancholy.

“It’s true,” he said, startling me to attention. “You realize that Steve Spurrier is not walking through that door.”

No, he wasn’t.

And SEC Media Days is just not the same without the quips and jibes from the Head Ball Coach.

There’s a void for sure, missing his wit and — if this is possible — self-deprecating cockiness.

But we trudged along through 14 head coaches in four days, which is way more coach-speak than any physician would recommend.

But some things have to be done, and I still like to rank the SEC coaches by pure entertainment value, with extra points if he’s the kind of guy you’d like to play golf with.

I will say that Nos. 1-3 were easy for me. After that it was all but drawing names out of a hat.

Bret Bielema, Arkansas: He’s not quite Spurrier, but with Darth Visor gone he’s as much the clear No. 1 here as the Ol’ Ball Coach was.

Odd among coaches, he seems to treat his job not as torture, but as possible fun. Not afraid to pick playful spats with other coaches, either, which is always a plus.

He even got some harmless jibes in at the commissioner, a Spurrier specialty.

Most refreshing, it all seems quite natural. Nothing is worse than a head coach with a joke writer trying to be funny for the first time in his life.

Bielema will never be accused of that.

Les Miles, LSU: Miles might challenge Bielema if not for his archaic habit of filibustering his opening statement with a scenic tour down the depth chart.

Still, he’s one of the coaches that nobody wants to miss, particularly for those Family Miles updates, a sort of annual Christmas letter with more high entertainment than most reality shows.

He had to turn serious this year in addressing the unrest back in Baton Rouge and handled it with aplomb and, rare for him, without an interpreter.

Nick Saban, Alabama: No, you don’t get much song and dance from Saban, but when the master speaks, E.F. Hutton listens.

He’s at his best when dealing not with Alabama specifically, but college football in general.

If the game ever gets a commissioner, he needs to be it — and have regular press conferences.

I don’t think he’s ever gotten a question he hadn’t thought through before.

Well, maybe one.

The funniest question of the entire week came when a reporter asked Saban: “How has Lane Kiffin made you a better coach?”

The puzzled look on Saban’s face was so priceless I don’t even remember his answer, except that it was somewhat vague.

Jim McElwain, Florida: You can tell when a coach enjoys his turn at the big podium and when it’s a chore he has to get done with. McElwain was clearly at ease.

He managed to turn the fact that he refuses to wear socks — even to his daughter’s wedding — into a story line. That’s an SEC Media Day’s hero right there.

Dan Mullen, Mississippi State: I’m guessing most at Media Days wouldn’t rank Mullen this high. But — I don’t know what it is — the guy just fascinates me.

He doesn’t look the part of an SEC football CEO. He’s the nerd dad in a Disney movie. He comes across — as many have noted — as Cousin Eddie from the Vacation movies.

Yet in a weird, ultra-goofy sort of way he just keeps plugging along through his media sessions, sort of making sense and making you think the Bulldogs have and will win big, even that Starkville is the grandest spot on earth.

Derek Mason, Vanderbilt: Even forsaking the bow tie this year, easily wins the fashion award among coaches. Well spoken and passionate — yes, about Vanderbilt football — and keeps on preaching that it can happen even though no one in the congregation is buying it.

But you listen to him — such a likable guy to boot — and it’s hard not to root for him to pull off the impossible.

Butch Jones, Tennessee: Of course, Jones has always talked a good game. This year he drew the short straw to fend off questions about high expectations — i.e., being a heavy favorite to win the SEC East. He did fine. Nothing special, but nothing really wrong with it.

Kirby Smart, Georgia: For a first-timer, he did fine. Of the three coaches who had to explain how Nick Saban made them the coach they are today, Smart probably handled the mandatory inquiries the best.

Kevin Sumlin, Texas A&M: Sumlin is probably one of the best pure speakers in the league. Seems like a personable enough guy. But there’s something about that forced smile during tough question that seems to be suggesting “Don’t mess with me” that is off-putting.

Will Muschamp, South Carolina: A first-timer at Georgia but had been there with Florida.

Muschamp is a likable guy, we’re just still waiting for him to say something worth remembering.

Hugh Freeze, Ole Miss: Probably not fair to judge Freeze on this year, what with his program clearly on the defensive awaiting word on NCAA sanctions. But Freeze looked uncomfortable and acted defensive, like a guy awaiting word on NCAA sanctions.

Barry Odom, Missouri: Also going to reserve judgement here. So you’re a rookie head coach and the night before your first big media showcase, you find out your athletic director just resigned. An hour before you take the big podium, the media gets word of it. He did the best he could.

Mark Stoops, Kentucky: Stoops was excited about the upgrade in some of Kentucky’s football facilities. It sounded nice, but you just knew back home the Wildcat fans were all more interested in following summer AAU basketball.

 

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