Bielema breath of fresh air at media days

Published 7:28 am Thursday, July 14, 2016

HOOVER, Ala. — Finally, a breath of fresh air at SEC Media Days.

At long last, a respite from blatant coach-speak.

Hallelujah and amen, brother — SEC coaches can be regular guys. Funny, too.

Most of all, thank you, Bret Bielema.

It was Day 3 — hump day — at this gala and the entire media congregation was just about to over-NoDoze on “we feel good about …” and “we’re excited about …” and, most of all, self-inflicted wounds from “Coach, talk about your linebackers … .”

They should use “Jeopardy” rules: The media’s turn at the microphone must be phrased in the form of a question or you get the gong.

Faceless coach after another appears to blah-blah-blah, trailed by a trio of players all vowing to “do whatever I can to help my team.”

Worthy goals, for sure, but it can be torture.

At some point you come to the realization that Steve Spurrier isn’t walking through that door anytime soon, here to save us with one-liners and aw-shucks wise-cracks and, of course, “this, that and the other.”

Even Nick Saban lamented the retirement of the head ball coach, now in retirement, likely on a golf course somewhere.

“One thing I will miss is I’m usually up here responding to some barb from Coach Spurrier,” Saban said.

And then in walks Bielema, the Arkansas coach who, unlike his SEC brethren, doesn’t appear to break the bank for his Media Day wardrobe.

Nor is he afraid to speak his mind and enjoy the moment. Sounds simple, but it’s not exactly in the standard coaching manual to, like, … maybe have FUN.

Bielema, was fresh in from the E! wedding of the year, his former Wisconsin quarterback Russell Wilson’s betrothal to a celebrity of some note named Ciara “over there in England somewhere,” like at a castle.

He got an invitation, but it wasn’t exactly the A-list.

“I just sat and watched,” he said. “I was the guy in the eighth row in the outside seat, but there’s a certain amount of value. I mean there’s paparazzi there.”

Quite the jet-setter, Bielema and his wife, who he vowed to have in South Beach, Fla., by Wednesday night, escaped the wedding hoopla- fleeing celebs like Beyonce and Carmelo Anthony for a train to Paris.

En route word broke that Michigan had cancelled the Hogs’ game next year with the Wolverines.

His wife told him, “Hey, there’s something here on the Internet about a Big Ten team canceling with an SEC team.”

Bielema said he didn’t know anything about it.

“She said, ‘Really? Your picture’s right here with the story.’ She’s real quick.”

Jen Bielema is rare among coaching wives in that she likes to tag along to Media Days.

“She loves to come,” Bielema said. “I think part of it is because (the hotel) is connected to a mall, but that’s a whole other conversation.”

Still, a good matchup fell through with Michigan.

“This Michigan-Notre Dame thing sounds sexy to everybody else,” he acknowledged. “But I think Michigan and Arkansas sounds sexy.”

But it’s not easy with the Razorbacks.

“At Arkansas we’re not built very sexy, we’re just kind of a work in progress,” he explained. “We need a lot of time in the bathroom to get ready and come out and look great. But when we do, we’ll stop time.”

Bielema, a Big 10 transplant now in his fourth year in the SEC, tries to put a filter on.

He recalled his first SEC Media Days when he somehow stumbled into a feud with Auburn coach Gus Malzahn over the benefits of the spread offense — Bielema is a meat and potatoes kind of play-caller.

“Before I got back to my office, I had a call from the (then) commissioner (Mike) Slive, who basically got after me as hard as any man has ever gotten after me about what I just done and why I did it and why we don’t do that in the SEC.”

It does have its benefits, though.

When new Georgia coach Kirby Smart came sniffing around the Arkansas campus looking to poach assistant coaches, he had his eye of Razorback offensive coordinator Dan Enos.

“I told him I appreciate it, but there’s a thing called the SEC clause, and you can’t have it him. Kind of stuck my tongue out, wiggled my nose and felt good about it.”

But Bielema is catching on to the ways of the SEC, improving from 0-8 in the league his first year to 2-6 to 5-3.

Going “0-8 in the SEC, probably the most embarrassing point in my coaching career — to realize I couldn’t win an SEC football game. I didn’t doubt if I could or not, I just wondered why I didn’t and how it didn’t happen.”

He’s now beaten LSU two straight, but has also lost two straight to an old Arkansas rival, both in overtime.

“We’re walking across to shake hands,” he said of old friend and Aggie coach Kevin Sumlin. “And he said, I don’t know what to say. I said, don’t say anything, I might punch you.”

He’ll get a shot at another old friend this year when the Aggies play recent power TCU.

“The A.D. had a nice idea to throw TCU into the mix before we even take on the SEC West,” Bielema said sarcastically. “One hell of an idea. Excited about seeing coach (Gary) Patterson. I see him once a year on a Nike trip. That’s good enough for me.”

If he’s not careful, he might just be accused of having fun coaching football.

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Follow Scooter Hobbs on Twitter at twitter.com/ScooterAmPress